I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
