fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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