I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
