I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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