on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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