Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ok first of all what the fuck
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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