You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
