your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize