Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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