It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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