saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
