I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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