why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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