You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
