dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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