I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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