Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
