More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Enjoy the penises
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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