That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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