im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think people are normalizing furries
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
