my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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