I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
