the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need to calm my uterus...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize