She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
