you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
