i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
