They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
