Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
