i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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