history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
