I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
