Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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