Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
