sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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