you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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