why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you had me at cake vodka
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
