Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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