Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
its liver damage thursday
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
