I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
