none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
