Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
