Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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