I will die if light touches me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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