you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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