thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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