Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
