Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
