Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
where does the pee come out of this thing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
