He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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