I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
