We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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