it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
