She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
