Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
