It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love you. Go after that dick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
