i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
