I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize