hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize