I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
