I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
