well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
