I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
