he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i drank out of a bidet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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