I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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