To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
