I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
