After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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