why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
