My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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