So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
