So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
