everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
