I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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