Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
