not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
