Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
