he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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