I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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