everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
