my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
