There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize