I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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