Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
