three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
