fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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