he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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