you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
