I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
