cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
