Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
