I wish I could teleport
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
